Clearly The History of Poetry is not a very good poem; It certainly is not a super deluxe good poem. I don't, however, have a problem with that . This is my problem. My usual m/o is to write a crappy poem and then moan about how crappy it is. For a while that was pretty funny, so now I'm taking it up a level. I'm moaning about how my usual m/o of moaning about how crappy my poetry is has become tired and stale. The problem is that second order moaning just isn't funny. Nor is third order moaning (which is what I was doing in the non-parenthetical part of the sentence that you are presently reading--the part of the sentence you were reading just before you got to the em dash was fourth order moaning, etc.). To make matters worse, I intentionally wrote a crappy poem, Just so I could do the whole first-order, second order, etc. thing. None of this is working. I wish I could take the whole thing back.

This settles it; super deluxe good poem-dot-whatever is undergoing major changes. From now on I'm only going to write really brilliant stuff and then I won't have to piss and moan about how it sucks. I'm starting it all off with a brand new who I'd stalk list.

Who I'd Stalk if I were an Insane Stalker--Special TV Cop Edition.
10. Mannix (Why? because it sounds like mayonnaise, but diffrerent).
9. Cheif Wiggam
8. Deputy Dawg (I can't believe they haven't promoted him after all these years).
7. Murray the Cop
6. Whatever the freak Angie Dickenson's character on Police Woman was named ( might have been "Pepper").
5. Dano
4. Super Chicken (recall that he was deputized once)
3. That hot blond lady on animal precinct.
2. Zortag (from the sci fi thriller Cops from neptune)
1. Barney Fife (an obvious choice but you got to love him!)

Here's another super deluxe good poem for your enjoyment.

The History of Poetry
If history teaches us anything,
It teaches us that all the really good poems
Can be replaced with taco sauce
If you are having a fiesta
Instead of a poetry reading.

I'd also like to wish everyone a happy Have-Posted-Some-Crap-Yesterday-Just-For-The-Sake-Of-It-Not-Counting-The Crap-You-Posted-On-Post-Any-Old Crap-Just-For-The-Sake-Of-Posting-Day Day. I'm putting this one up one day early.

I'd like to wish everyone a happy Post-Any-Old Crap-Just-For-The-Sake-Of-Posting Day. My contribution is this post. I look forward to reading your posts.

Stupid Things I Have Said
In a more confessional moment I thought it would be good to list the ten stupidest things I've ever said. The pain of doing so was overwhelming and immediate (I was still on number ten when I began to feel really sad and pathetic). Instead I'm going to list the top ten stupid expressions I wish I had never used but at one time or another had.

10. Catch you later.
9. Hey, if it aint baroque, don't fix it.
8. Are you working hard or hardly working?
7. Peace out.
6. Waste is a terrible thing to mind.
5. Yo big tiger.
4. You slay me.
3. Piss off (this expression, in and of itself, isn't all that bad, but since it was during those sad three or four years around the end of high school when I spoke with a British accent, it qualifies as being a stupid expression).
2. Find a penny pick it up, all the day you'll have one cent (actually I still say this whenever I find a penny).
1. Nanu nanu (to make matters worse, I was wearing the rainbow suspenders at the time--I live in shame).

Here's a super deluxe good poem for your reading pleasure.

Pretty Things
Some pretty things are not left-handed gophers.
This is because I knew a guy who was a left-handed gopher.
He was very pretty, but so was his dog.

I just ran the following through the Gender Genie. It said that I was male.

"Hey, check me out. I'm a girl! I'm female! I could compete in female sports at the Olympics because if you ran a DNA test, it would confirm that I'm female. I've got ovaries and I don't have testicles. That's right, I'm female. When people pass me on the street they say things such as, "Nice day madam" and "excuse me lady, but could you hold this box of corn while I hail a cab?" When I was a little girl I attended brownies. There's no mistaking it; I'm female!"

It's been a good while since I've posted, so even though I have nothing particularly interesting to say today, I'm gonna say something anyway. OK, here I go. I'm blogging right now. Yep, I got my blog on. I know if I keep going, inspiration will soon follow. I'm just gonna cowboy up and blog away. Here comes the inspiration, I'm beginning to feel it. Blog blog blog blog blog blog. OK.............................................................................just another minute or two.............................maybe I should approach this from a different angle. OK, I'm going to steal stuff from other blogs until I get inspiration of my own:

Dots are like candy invented during the depression (this line has had me cracking up for weeks).
And the Monkey goes to...
Pez, yum yum yum!
Blah blah blah poetics (I stole this one from either Kasey or Ron).

Alright, clearly this isn't working. Maybe I should write a haiku:


Blogging is Difficult Haiku
Cannot fucking blog.
I aint got no good ideas
Haikus piss me off

I notice that in the third line I used the word 'haikus.' This can't be right; I'm pretty sure that the plural of 'haiku' is 'haiku.' I'm too unmotivated to go back and change it, but were I to, the third line would be:

Haikus: not a word.

Maybe I should talk about Mr. Hot for a while; that always makes people happy. Mr. Hot is great. I heard that he is really a secret agent or something.

This isn't working, either. Nobody cares about Mr. Hot anymore. Sure the whole Mr. Hot thing was great for a few months (what excitement!), but now..well, I'm just clinging to the past.

Maybe an insane stalker list will get me out of my rut.

Who I Would Stalk if I Were an Insane Stalker--Special Baseball Edition.
10. Catcher
9. Designator hitter
8. Right field
7. Center field
6. Left field
5. Pitcher
4. 1st base
3. 3rd base
2. short stop
1. 2nd base

WEll, that wasn't very interesting was it. I don't think the problem was the choices I made; I was pretty much limited, since there were only ten positions to choose from and no one in their right mind would argue with pitcher as #1 (I supose that I could have plugged in a pinch hitter or utility infielder just to make things a little less predictable). No, the problem was with the whole idea in the first place. What made me think an insane stalker list where the choices were pretty much predetermined would be funny? Well, I'm giving up. Let's hope this is just a temporary problem and that soon I'll be back to my old inspired self.