Who I wouldn't stalk if I were an insane stalker (special famous philosopher edition):
10. Saul Kripke (used Kleenexes everywhere--not worth the trouble).
9. Jacques Derrida (I'd be afraid he'd try to talk to me).
8. Socrates (turns out he was impious).
7. Rene Descartes (this guy was just plain mean to animals).
6. Martha Nussbaum (she's too hot; I wouldn't be able to control myself).
5. Hegel (yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnn!).
4. Meathead from All in the Family (sure he knew lots of cool stuff about political philosophy, but he's argumentative).
3. Bono (oh wait, he's not a philosopher; he just thinks he is).
2. John Stuart Mill (why stalk him; he was celibate).
1. Gilbert Ryle (I don't need him observing my behavior).